Laguna Beach.  Another perfect day in Paradise, but oh no, there’s big hair.  According to friends (yes I have two and I pay them dearly to maintain that status), “Steel Magnolias” is a terrific show now playing at the Laguna Beach Playhouse.  I’m afraid I’ll have to take their word for it because I’m too afraid to see it. It’s another neurosis of mine, so pull up your barber chair, sweep your hair behind the ears and listen up to a hair-raising tale. It’s worth a listen to because you’ll learn nothing, but you do get a lollipop at the end for reading this without moving your lips.  Do you need a booster chair?

My therapist, Dr. Arnie Paypal, advises me that, if I want to get to the root of my hair problem, I’ll have to pay him in advance. He recommends that I take out a second mortgage, so he can pay off his first mortgage, finalize his divorce from wife number three, and make wife number four happy with a new house on the right side of PCH.  He says that I shouldn’t think that his happiness depends on me. That would be highly unethical.  His problems and my problems are separate issues and must remain that way to assure that he adheres to crazy-high mental health association standards that nobody in his profession can live up to with four, five, or six wives in tow. Notwithstanding, appearances must be maintained.  So before I can begin, he introduces me to Benny Bagmein, his physician associate, who handles front office arrangements.  ccording to new Obamacare guidelines, Bagmein will provide a cursory physical exam and demonstrate the importance of kneecaps and how that body part sets in motion the need to pay for the sessions in non-sequenced numbered Canadian bills.  Bagmein explains to me that the Canadians’ obsession with polite-ness, sets them apart from other sovereign nations that just take your deposits and never say thank you, whereas the Canadian loon is a fowl that flies straight and is never afoul of the law like so many other banking birdbrains.  Bagmein riding shotgun and I conclude the financial arrangements with a quick trip to Toronto, where I withdraw $9,999,999,999 and purchase a new couch from Ikea as an incentive to Dr. Paypal to get to the bottom of my big hair fear, as well as, cushion my bottom for what appears to be a long ride to my mental well being.

Now that money talked and mine said goodbye, Dr. Paypal hypnotizes me and directs my subconscious to isolate the triggering event that makes me scared of big hair.  Bagmein assists by checking my pockets for any loose change still unaccounted for, while muttering thank you-s in the Canadian language.  I am deeply under hypnosis and unaware that the first trigger that’s uncovered is my ATM pin number.  This discovery saves Bagmein many future solo trips to Toronto, which would have been difficult to do from the shotgun position.  After several sessions and many withdrawals later, Dr. Paypal has a breakthrough when I hit upon the split end trigger.

Be alert readers.  The tollowing is the only true thing about to be said so far. I had buried a horrible memory from junior high school.  Two teenage girls in ninth grade made a habit to seek me out, a lowly seventh grader, during classroom changes.  They had big hair kept that way with hair spray that Marge Simpson would have given her first born for, which isn’t saying much because its Bart. Nonetheless, these six-foot hellions, two feet of it being hair, would get me in the crowded stairwell and knock out all my books from under my arms. I was very studious in those days and carted around a lot of books and papers.  To their utter delight, my pursers kept these high jinxes going because I couldn’t alter my course or I would be late for class.  I finally solved things by hiding out in the boys’ locker room until they graduated and moved on to high school. That outcome took several years longer than the average students’ stay due to their obsession with big hair and the long hours needed for maintenance instead of general studies.

Thank you modern medicine.  I’m cured. I’d go the Laguna Beach Playhouse and see “Steel Magnolias,” except that I don’t have any money left to purchase a ticket. Oh well, be sure to say hi from me to Dr. Paypal and wife number four.  I know he loves big hair.

Here’s your lollipop.

Mark is a transplant to Laguna from Chicago.  He occasionally writes the guest column “Pet Peeves.”  His recently deceased Border Collie, Pokey, is his muse and ghostwriter.

Organizers, from left, Fredda Trehub, Patti Callaghan, Kate Weiss, Evonne Kane and Beth Wolf with some of the finds that go on sale Saturday, May 18.

What started as one woman’s dream to create a high-end, affordably priced shopping extravaganza to raise money to help alleviate homelessness, abuse and hunger, has turned into a community-wide effort that will come to fruition Saturday, May 18 at the Neighborhood Congregational Church.

Thanks to the generosity of local shop owners and residents, along with hours of work put in by a devoted crew of volunteers, this year’s Boutique Benefit is sizing up to be a bonanza for both shoppers and the non-profits slated to receive the proceeds.

The one-day opportunity to shop for a cause will be held from 8:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the church, 340 St. Ann’s Dr. Admission is $4.

For the second year in a row, there will be a Friday presale, May 17, from 5-8 p.m. For $40 early bird fashionistas – and those who simply want to socialize for a purpose – will be able to eat and drink treats provided by six of Laguna’s favorite eateries and then shop NCC’s Bridge Hall, which will have been transformed into an upscale boutique for two hours of leisurely bargain bagging. Tickets for the presale event can be purchased online at boutiquebenefit.eventbrite.com.

Now in its seventh year, Evonne Kane originally brought the Boutique Benefit into being after helping with a Christmas dinner for the homeless at the Presbyterian Church in 2006.

“My heart was touched by the humanity of everyone present,” she said.  Wanting to continue to be “a drop in the sea of compassion,” Kane volunteered to organize the Laguna Resource Center’s clothing room. Realizing that clothing is fundamental to all, and that money follows fashion,  “The idea of a boutique type fundraiser came to me.

“It seemed like a win-win for everyone,” said Kane, who has lived in Laguna for more than 20 years and has her own acupuncture practice. “Closets would be cleaned, tax deductions given, clothes would be recycled and shoppers would have the satisfaction of knowing their purchases were helping others.”

To date, the boutique has raised $85,000 to help people in need both locally and abroad. The major recipient has been the Laguna Food Pantry, formerly the Resource Center.

“Evonne is our biggest booster financially and emotionally,” said chairman Andy Siegenfeld. Funds garnered from the boutique have enabled the non-profit to help alleviate food shortages for thousands of individuals and families struggling economically. This year Siegenfeld estimates that over 20,000 people will sign up to receive groceries from the all-volunteer center on Laguna Canyon Road.

The boutique is no garage sale. A loyal and growing contingent of local shop owners (40 this year) donates quality apparel, handbags and jewelry to the cause and then the items are priced at a fraction of their original retail value.

“Evonne gets extraordinary clothing,” said City Council member Toni Iseman, who for the past several years has both worked and shopped the benefit. “I’ve gotten things I wouldn’t even try on at a store because they’re so expensive and you can get them for $10.”

Kane, Iseman said, “has never lost her focus and she has a way of getting people to open their hearts.”

This year, Elle H, formerly a Laguna shop that has been selling its contemporary women’s clothing online, is liquidating the company and donating its remaining stock. “I have probably six to eight rolling racks right now in my garage,” said owner Linda Hahn, who also volunteered this year help organize the thousand of items that fill three large temporary storage units.

Tootsies, located in The Old Pottery Place shopping center and a consistent contributor to the boutique, will be giving about 100 pairs of shoes, said owner Nini Dake. There will also be lingerie from I C London, scarves from Tibet Handicrafts and children’s clothing from Hillary and Little Free bird,

apparel and fabric from Lala along with a huge selection of men’s dress shirts, jackets and over 100 new surf shirts.

According to Kane there is more inventory this year than ever before, with something for every age, style, size and budget.

Besides the shops, a dedicated contingent scours their home closets cherry picking the prizes and saving them for the boutique.

Though she hated to, Patricia Twitty reluctantly gave Kane the peacock in her own closet, a hand-beaded skirt won at an art auction in Venice that never fit right. Shortly after the benefit, a friend of Twitty’s waltzed into a party “looking like a dream” and wearing the one-of-a-kind skirt. “Great friends, great taste in clothes, you never know what treasures you might find there,” Twitty said.

Besides the Laguna Food Pantry this year’s proceeds will go to Laguna Beach’s Friendship Shelter, which since 1987 has helped homeless adults achieve self-sufficiency by providing a stable living environment, life skills, and counseling. The Friendship Shelter also manages the homeless sleeping facility on Laguna Canyon Road.

Impact Giving, a women’s collective giving group, started locally, that annually gives grants to both domestic and international charities chosen by its members, will also receive funding.

And Women for Women International, which provides women survivors of war in eight countries resources to move from crisis and poverty to stability and self-sufficiency, will again be a beneficiary.

Pictures of some of the goodies awaiting shoppers are posted on the Boutique Benefit’s Facebook page.

Local resident Robin Pierson writes about topics she’s engaged in.

June Esther Campbell, 89, passed peacefully on Friday, March 29, 2013.

She had been in failing health for several months and entered hospice care last summer.

Campbell was an active real estate agent in Laguna Beach, selling homes even into her 80s. Legend has it that Campbell sold many local houses three times over during her career.

Many will remember her exuberant personality, professional success and adventurous nature. She had many friends and a lifelong love of animals. She leaves behind her beloved bijon, Benji.

Born Oct. 26, 1924 and raised in St. Louis, Mo., Campbell studied chemistry at the University of Chicago. She served in Hawaii during WWII as a marine and migrated to California shortly thereafter.

Campbell was a fierce and courageous advocate for equal rights at a time when it was perilous to be so. In 1978, during the campaign against the Briggs initiative, a law that threatened gay rights and would have permitted the firing of gay teachers in public schools, many people were too terrified to be identified as gay friendly. Campbell had then send checks and cash through her and routed them to the cause.

Campbell’s presence as a gay female realtor in Laguna from the early ‘60s until last year cannot be ignored. She was a generous mentor, taking many fledgling realtors under her wing. She was also well respected for her honesty and astute protectiveness where her clients were concerned. Her influence and help to other gay women in business was considerable. One of her favorite projects as a realtor was to adopt needy families during the holidays and shower them with gifts.

In lieu of flowers, remembrance donations may be made to Animal Crackers Animal Rescue, 24310 Moulton Parkway, Laguna Hills, Ca., 92367, or a charity of your choosing.

Midnight grunion runs are part of California lore. Having a geographic range from the coastal waters of northern Baja California to most recently San Francisco, the California grunion (Leuresthes tenuis) are found most commonly off the coast of Los Angeles, Orange and San Diego counties. The name is derived from the Spanish word “gruñón” meaning grumpy. The schooling fish live year round near the shore and are five to seven inches long and slender in appearance.  Having greenish tops, a bluish lateral line and silvery sides and bellies, their average lifespan is around four years. Although their feeding habits are not well known, California grunion are thought to be omnivores with a diet consisting of plankton, and other small creatures.

California grunion reproductive behavior is unique. They are the only fish to completely leave the ocean en mass to lay their eggs on the sandy beach just after the new moon and full moon. In 1940, scientists discovered that this synchronicity correlated to the immediate nights following the highest monthly tides.  Although able to predict when the grunion will spawn, scientists cannot  determine where they will spawn. Gathering just off shore, normally a couple of male scouts ride a wave onto the beach and if all is clear, a dozen or sometimes thousands more follow to just above the high tide line. Once on land, the female wiggles her body into the sand tail first to deposit up to 3,000 eggs as the smaller males wrap themselves around her body fertilizing the eggs.  Then the grunion ride a wave out to sea. For the next two weeks, the orange eggs incubate a few inches down in the warm, moist sand, undisturbed by waves until the next spring tide, which agitates the eggs allowing them to hatch and return to the ocean.

Predators include seabirds and shorebirds, sea lions, squid, dolphins and marine fish such as halibut, guitar fish and corbina; all have been observed inshore, even in the exposed splash zone, trying to feed on grunion. Pollution and human disturbances negatively impact the fish.  Many cities have enacted limited grooming of beaches during certain months to protect the eggs of the grunion.  Reproduction occurs February to September, peaking during April, May and early June. This phenomenon has been observed on various beaches in Laguna in recent years but observation opportunities require being careful of grunions sensitivity to light and noise.  The catching of all fish including grunion is prohibited in Laguna Beach.

Laguna Beach residents Jan Sattler and Mia Davidson are year-round ocean swimmers and board members of Laguna Ocean Foundation which is actively involved in coastal resource management through all of its activities and programs.   For more information, go to www.lagunaoceanfoundation.org

The steering committee of Citizens for View Preservation and Restoration has issued the attached position statement on the just released draft view ordinance.

We strongly support Mayor Boyd’s initiative to create a view ordinance “with teeth in it”. However, we are concerned that the latest draft includes sections that will weaken the view ordinance.

It is most important that all property owners have access to the view restoration process and that the process be reasonable and affordable with the vegetation owner bearing most of the costs.

Our website includes links to our position statement and additional view obstruction photos recently contributed by concerned citizens.

We are ready to help the committee and our community in any way that will lead to a strong, enforceable view ordinance that will be available to all property owners whose views have been obstructed unfairly.

Doug Cortez, Laguna Beach

www.lagunaviews.net

On Thursday, May 10 a ‘neighborhood’ meeting was held at Moulton Meadows Park. The meeting was called because Mayor Kelly Boyd, and Councilmen Steve Dicterow have been working tirelessly for months to finally get a skate park built here in Laguna Beach for our youth.

They were able to get the renowned Tony Hawk Foundation to consult for free and even be willing to attend the meeting in order to present information, answer questions, and give suggestions for problem solving the certain cons of the Moulton Meadows site.

As a proponent of a skate park being built here in Laguna Beach, and someone who lives a block from Moulton Meadows, I, my husband and our three sons attended the meeting. I was looking forward to the discourse, the sharing of ideas. I was ready to listen and actually hear what the opposition’s position was. As much as I personally would love a skate park at Moulton Meadows, I understood that it might not be an ideal spot. I expected that a healthful debate and discussion would ensue.

Unfortunately what occurred was despicable and shameful. I still can’t believe what my children were witness to. From the first rage-filled speaker that approached the microphone and the subsequent 20 plus more…the tirade was truly out of control. The issues raised were not just the possible parking issue, possible impact on the environment, or litter (which I expected, and was concerned for myself), a lot of focus was around the stereotype of the skateboarder themselves. The “profiling” of the skateboard youth was steeped with comments about the “certain” drug usage, the cigarette smoking, the unlawful activity, the fights that could break out. “We don’t want that kind here in our neighborhood!”

That ‘kind’ was standing right there. About 30 kids showed up, all skaters. All were members of our community. All good kids! I know every one of them personally. They stood by as they were discussed like they were invisible. When the Tony Hawk Foundation tried to intercede they were heckled and told “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You’re no expert!” The entire meeting was a travesty, and not because ultimately it was decided that the location of Moulton Meadows was no longer an option. But because the youth present had to bear witness to arguably some of the worse behavior I have ever seen by adults.

Kimberly OBrien-Young, Laguna Beach

Judging by the letters to the editor, public feedback to the city council and other community commentary, the decision to kill a dozen mature, healthy and beautiful trees may have been a mistake.

If the ficus trees were buckling the sidewalks, the eucalyptus probably are too. Those could all come down also. Then change the name of Forest Avenue because the old name won’t be appropriate anymore.

And yet it is alleged that despite city concerns about trips and falls, no complaints of that sort have ever been lodged in regards the trees already felled.

Further, there appears to be a question as to whether cutting was actually authorized of the two trees felled in front of the building that had been Sirous & Sons. I think it is pretty clear that the new occupants of that building will be displeased to learn they have lost the beauty and shade provided by those ex-ficus trees.

Please be more circumspect in the future in your decisions to cut mature healthy trees that block no one’s view of the ocean.

Jim Rue, Laguna Beach

How many of us have parked on the north side of Laguna Canyon Road and crossed over to attend the Sawdust Festival despite signs warning us not to do so?

So why do we make this perilous decision, especially at night? Because the nearest pedestrian walkway is waaaay too far!! Surely we can think of other ways to safely cross. For example, another lighted walkway or pedestrian bridge or tunnel directly opposite the Sawdust that would take us right there.

I would be interested in hearing about alternative ways to safely cross LCR. Let’s not wait for a fatality to consider this issue.

Karen Sciortino, Laguna Beach

May is National Bike Month, a perfect time for our community to recognize and celebrate all the benefits of bicycling.

Bicycling keeps us healthy, carries us efficiently from point A to point B, saves us from high gas prices, and makes our air cleaner and our roads less congested.

Bicycling is good for our community and helps address many of our most pressing societal and environmental problems. Bicycling is fun!

Even though this week (May 13-17) is National Bike to Work Week, I encourage you to think of it as Bike to Anywhere Week. According to the national bike group PeopleForBikes, half of all trips Americans make are three miles or less, an easy biking distance. If you don’t like traffic and your town is saturated with cars like mine is, make the first step to solve the problem.

If more people in our community bike, even just once a week or once a month, we’ll all be better off (even those of us who don’t ride). This month, dust off your bike and give two wheels a try!

Les Miklosy, Laguna Beach

I loved Susan Velasquez’ column today (“A Season for Change,” Arts, May 10 edition).

Had my name, the band concert, the Laguna Tunes, the Healthy Girls Festival and all the news of each expressed so well.

I think her writing is exquisite and I look forward to reading what she says and the way she says it each week. She was able to make the arts very warm and personal and that’s what it’s all about!

Appreciatively,

Carol Reynolds, Laguna Beach

Well if there are no trees in downtown Laguna Beach, then it will definitely be hot this summer with no shade (unless the store fronts have canopies over the store front windows) and no breeze since the canyon acts as a block to the breeze.

I visit Laguna Beach every two weeks on a Sunday and even the bus depot is changing. They aren’t pulling into the lot any more just curbside pick up. Now with the art festival about to begin, I’ll just stay away from Laguna and the summer crowds. But the reason that I do come to Laguna Beach is the friends I’ve made at Neighborhood Congregational Church, United Church of Christ. I take the OCTA bus from Long Beach to Laguna Beach, but if there is no shade then apparently you don’t need visitors to stroll your streets or unless your storefronts stay open later in the evening to 11 p.m. during the summer when it is cooler.

Try putting in palm trees. Long Beach has plenty of palm trees, but Laguna has eucalyptus trees all over the place that they want to cut down.

Kevin Nutt,

Long Beach

By Chris Quilter

To the young man on a skateboard outside my house: I wish to publicly apologize for being a crosspatch. I should not have called you a rude name and shouted at you to put on your helmet. Amazingly, you complied. But that’s not the point. I violated a sacred principle that I learned from Miss Manners. It boils down to the Golden Rule, except that Miss Manners doesn’t go all weak-kneed by suggesting we will feel uplifted by doing the right thing. We just have to do it, because look at where acting on our feelings has gotten us.

If you can grasp the concept that shushing a constant whisperer at the movies is compounding the felony, you will understand that Miss Manners—while endlessly entertaining—is a strict taskmistress. That’s why her praiseworthy philosophy of life remains as aspirational as the Pledge of Allegiance. Luckily, my lapses in deportment trigger the kind of remorse that was forged in the furnace of an Irish-Catholic upbringing. (This is akin to my luck in not being an alcoholic because that terrific feeling after one drink takes a hairpin turn for the worse after two drinks.) The least I can do is try to make amends via acts of contrition like this—or, as my friends call them, orgies of self-flagellation.

Those of you who know the lingo know that Catholics are taught that true contrition requires a “firm purpose of amendment.” This poses one of those rock-and-hard-place moral dilemmas. On the one hand, if we don’t intend to mend our ways, what’s the point of confession beyond the striking of hypocritical moral poses for the edification of others? On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with firm purposes of amendment. As the proof piles up over the years, we may understandably begin to feel a bit hypocritical.

Still, on the unproven assumption that we get points for trying, here are some other people I firmly resolve not to yell at:

The remarkable number of people on the road who are talking into their cellphones, the risks of which they mitigate by driving slowly in the fast lane.

The equally remarkable number of people who are texting while waiting for the light to change. (I thought they had fallen asleep until my friend Randy enlightened me.)

The police for not aggressively targeting the former, which would go a long way towards retiring California’s debt. (I would never yell at the police anyway, and that was before I saw the Reese Witherspoon video.)

Robo-callers who violate—apparently with impunity—the Do-Not-Call Improvement Act of 2007 in order to tell me there is nothing wrong with my credit card account and that I can lower the mortgage payments I don’t have, get my carpets cleaned, and have my pockets fleeced by the operator who is standing by.

The FTC for its abject failure to enforce the Do-Not-Call Improvement Act of 2007. (Don’t the commissioners get these calls too?)

People who knock on my door out of concern for my spiritual welfare, when they could be doing something useful like feeding the hungry and clothing the naked.

Everyone else who is plainly asking for it.

I know, I know. But as Miss Manners points out: to make the world a better place, start with yourself. That means resisting the temptation to give them what they want even when—no, especially when, for that’s a keener test of character—they parade around wearing their “Kick Me” signs.

Laguna local Chris Quilter helps to write “Lagunatics,” which he claims is therapeutic.

Pacific mole crab

Colored a light sandy gray with an oval shaped body, Pacific mole crabs (Emerita analoga) also called Pacific sand crabs are found in great abundance in Laguna Beach.  They are located in the exposed surf zone between the lowest and highest reach of the waves, buried in the shifting sand.   Depending on tide direction, the Pacific mole crab uses wave action to carry them higher or lower on the beach. Unlike other crabs, their multi-jointed legs are directly under their bodies enabling them to burrow very quickly into the wet sand.  In fact, all swimming, crawling and digging of this crustacean is made backwards.

Pacific mole crabs are invertebrates (animals lacking a backbone) and can reach one to two inches in length.  The female is significantly larger than the male.  Like other crabs, they have an exoskeleton (external skeleton), which they must molt in order to grow.  While buried in the sand, the crabs gather food by extending their feathery antennae into the waves to strain plankton and microscopic detritus suspended in the water.  Another set of projections, called the antennules, have eyes at the end. They live two to three years. They mate in the spring and summer and the female carries thousands of bright orange eggs for about 30 days under her body. Upon hatching, the larvae drift for several months in ocean currents before they return to the beach.

One of the most important invertebrates of the beach, they are considered a keystone species by scientists who use them to monitor coastal contaminants and consider them an indicator of the health of a beach. Predators include shorebirds, certain fish such as corbina and surfperch as well as fishermen and children who eagerly dig them up and deposit them into pails, now illegal in Laguna Beach. Easily damaged, the Pacific mole crab can be found by looking for a quarter inch hole in the wet sand.

Mia Davidson and Jan Sattler are residents of Laguna Beach, year-round ocean swimmers and board members of Laguna Ocean Foundation, which is celebrating 10 years of preserving Laguna’s coastal treasures.   For more information, go to www.lagunaoceanfoundation.org

Laguna Beach.  Another perfect day in Paradise, but oh no, there are makeovers.  These changes are for the most part good. The Main Beach lifeguard tower is getting a makeover, which includes a new roof, stucco repair and new paint. And the former Laguna Federal Savings and Loan Association on Ocean Avenue is getting refurbished to its 1945 original glory.  A day and age when people actually saved unlike the Loan and Loan Associations we have today. “Sure you’re creditworthy, you’re breathing aren’t you?” For those savers out there, yes, that’s right you two, who have been hiding from cash strapped relatives since World War II, you’ll be glad to hear that you can cash in those 1913 nickels and soon be able to buy New York style pizza at the new restaurant that replaces the S&L location for everyone in town.  Your hiding days are over.

I’ve set up a Facebook page for you with a link to your enormous banking accounts courtesy of my Chinese hacking friends. Aunt Fannie and Uncle Freddie will be joining us for dinner to discuss reversing your wealth to their balance sheets.  Look forward to sharing a slice and then some.

And south Laguna neighbors are happy to hear not of a makeover, but the beginning of a do-over. It seems that the Chateau Relaxo days are over. Demolition of the boarded up house will begin next month. The owner, a descendant of Rumpelstiltskin was awoken after a 20-year nap and told to fix up the dump or get out. Rumpelstiltskin explained to the village council that he intended only a short nap and remembers telling the general contractor to wake him when the work was finished.  The contractor supported the owner’s explanation and said the work could be finished in another six to 12 years. The owner considered the contractor’s offer, but he decided to leave because one more nap was too much, he wanted to live some.  Neighbors are delighted and told Indy reporters, “He was a quiet man, just too quiet. Would you want to live around mimes?” questioned a neighbor.  “I’m still waiting to hear if I can borrow a cup of sugar or not.”

These makeovers are hitting me a little to close to home.  I think I may be going the way of Chateau Relaxo.  The other day I noticed that an acquaintance was looking down at me. Weird, I thought.  I’m used to my family looking down at me, but this person barely knows me, as well as my own flesh and blood.  And it keeps happening.

The other day a stranger asked for directions to the Laguna Beach Ferris wheel.  I was more than happy to direct him up Laguna Canyon Road for 50 or 60 miles, but the driver looked down at me during this Samaritan act.  Nobody looks me in the eye any more.  Or are they?  So I decided to get the latest face recognition software application that acts like a mirror and tells you your face age compared to your chronological age.  “Mirror-mirror on the wall, who’s the youngest of them all?” To which Siri replied, “Who’s there?  I can’t see you. Hold the phone camera lower.”  Once adjustments were made, Siri said,  “Hello? Margaret Thatcher?  I thought you were…never mind…What can I do for you Iron Lady?”

Mark is a transplant to Laguna from Chicago.  He occasionally writes the guest column “Pet Peeves.”  His recently deceased Border Collie, Pokey, is his muse and ghostwriter.

How disappointing it is to see our council members decide to rush the cutting down of our beautiful ficus trees during the spring nesting season. They choose to ignore Lagunas as a bird sanctuary.

I remember seeing dead baby birds on Third Street sidewalks when the city decided to heavily prune the ficus one other springtime. The replacement trees for the ficus are small and boring and provide no shade or greenery.

Be smart and take better care of the trees with proper pruning and root control and please show some compassion for our birds and their habitat.

I must commend and thank Toni Iseman for giving the old eucalyptus that graces Forest Avenue a reprieve from the chain saw.

Without the historical eucalyptus grove on Forest Avenue it would be just another street. Yes, trees can be historical too.

Lorna Gibbs, Laguna Beach